Warning: Frank discussion that is not suitable for children follows...

So much for women's liberation - some young women today are actually less sexually satisfied now than women were in the old days. In both eras, the desires and needs of women were second to the man's (or not considered at all), but now, young women with low self-esteem, caving to peer pressure to gain acceptance, are even worse off, as they endure the painful and sometimes life-threatening aftereffects of a risky sex act, in which only the man's sex organs are involved (thus it's not sex for the woman). I'm all for two consenting adults making their own choices in private, but I do have a problem with a small segment of society [e.g., the porn industry] successfully pressuring young, inexperienced women to accept something one-sided, painful, and potentially dangerous, as par for the course.

How do women really feel about it? We hear a lot of male voices on the subject - see this article in Details for a particularly disturbing view. But we rarely hear what women honestly think - every time they voice their opinions, they are shouted down and silenced. Unfortunately, that was also the case on a blog about women's issues, as Feministing posted the Details article with a comments section. Before a bunch of men (and a couple of women who wanted so badly to be seen as cool) started taking over the comments section, women began posting the following candid opinions. It was refreshing to hear real women speak so honestly and directly (rather than having their opinions filtered and interpreted in an article). But it was not to last. Their voices died out as the bullies took over, using whatever means (even accusations of gay-bashing) to silence the women.

"I just don't believe that it would bring ME anymore pleasure than good ol' regular sex. Anal sex? What's wrong with my vagina?" So let's hear from the women. One comment:

... And that would probably be the bridge to a woman's perspective on it, beyond "feeling pressure" to "let" a guy do it or trying to be a porn star. Given that this is one place where the sexes are TOTALLY equal (we all have anuses) it's amazing that these men didn't remember they had an ass. So it's not about sex at all, it's just another take on the virgin (she's a good girl, she just wants to give you pleasure even if she feels a little funny about it)/whore (she's yours, man, she'll do anything, any time) dichotomy, keeping the girls, girls and men, men.

Another:

OK, so at first I was just grossed out and pissed off by the photo and asking if it is ever OK to DEMAND any kind of sex... but now that I read the article in it's entirety... oh, it just gets worse...

"For most of my friends, it's sort of a domination thing," says John (not his real name), 30, a writer in New York. "[It's] basically getting someone in a position where they're most vulnerable. My friends enjoy that and they tell their friends they did it. But it's not like girls are ready for it—it's something they do when they're really drunk."

What the hell???? I believe that's called rape there John-boy (if she's so drunk that she can't consent at least, it is).

And the comments [at the Details site]? I seriously cannot believe that an actual woman wrote this:

and to my husband, who is grossed out by NOTHING, its like the ultimate rewarding sexual finale for him. If this pleases him, i can tolerate walking funny and a burning butthole for a few hours. [my note: another woman with similar sentiments (please the man at any cost to herself) also commented at the Details site about being constipated for days afterwards!]

Another:

I'm pretty sure it's not ok to demand any sex. When my bf made a hint that he wanted to try it, I said "Ok then, lets go find you a big fat dildo to put up your ass so that you will know what it feels like before you even attempt to do that with me." I figure that if my vagina isn't good enough, my ass surely isn't either. That place for me is only to expel things.

And I'm with Genny. If anyone demands that with me I too will demand a cab home. I happen to like walking around not feeling like I've had explosive diarrhea all day, thanks.

Another:

Um...hello? I have a vagina? If you want it up the ass, go find a guy.

Another:

I am getting sick of hearing about women who sacrifice their dignity, physical pleasure and pretty much everything else in order to please their men. What are you getting out of it, ladies?

Another:

I just don't believe that it would bring ME anymore pleasure than good ol' regular sex. Anal sex? What's wrong with my vagina?

Another:

If the boy I was dating was so keen on having anal sex, I would tell him he should get a boyfriend.

Another:

I have had my brush with anal sex, in the same way I imagine alot of sexually unsure, pressured girls have had a brush with anal sex... I didn't like it, and I don't care what it may cost me, but I don't do shit I don't like doing. Mostly, because I know a man would never do it for me.

Another:

I once had a boyfriend pressure me for anal sex (among other horrifically offensive things he did and said). Needless to say, his ass got DUMPED.

Another:

I think it's just an extension of the framing of sexual activity as a tug-of-war between the sexes, wherein the man tries to push the envelope further and further and the girl resists him. Back in the day, getting a girl to go "all the way" was the big challenge--now, more women are willing to have casual vaginal sex, but still express reluctance about anal sex, so it's become the new (finish) line in the sand that guys are determined to cross, so they can declare themselves the winners of the sexual conquest Olympics.

And this comment is really revealing about the peer-pressure aspects:

He described it as something he'd really wanted to do mostly because his other buddies had been engaging in anal sex and he felt left out. I figured if I did he then he'd actually like me or something (I was younger and stupider) so I agreed. I'd also been watching a lot of Queer as Folk so I used my curiosity of what it would feel like to justify the fact that I was compromising myself and my self esteem.

Even though we used lube it still hurt sort of and I found myself face down in the pillow not really participating. Mentally I went off somewhere else until he was finished. Afterwards ... for days after my ass hurt and while I joked about it and tried to play it off, to this day it's something I'm ashamed of myself for allowing to happen though I learned that no matter what I can't compromise who I am for a guy, it's totally not worth it.

And I think this is the crux of the issue:

The normalisation of anal sex is just another part of the whole pornogrification of society. If you look at a lot of these porn websites you will notice that actually most of the sex shown is oral or anal. It's like vaginas went out of fashion. Now clearly what evolution is trying to get us all to enjoy is vaginal sex, so why the shift? Well it's all about power isn't it?...

Another:

To me it seems a one-sided and barbaric practice, and having no faith in pornography industry propaganda, I'll stick to enjoying sex the way nature intended - vaginally. [my note: more on this from an AIDS researcher below]

Now for the science.

The surgeon general states: "anal intercourse is simply too dangerous to practice."

And from Richard Prince at the Maynard Institute:

The body has several naturally occurring defense mechanisms. Lactobacillus, for example, is a naturally occurring, 'good' bacteria that helps protect the vagina by maintaining its acidic environment. This natural acidity helps foster an inhospitable environment for many pathogens, including HIV.

Other orifices do not contain the vagina's "good" bacteria; moreover, the anus and rectum are not designed for sex. Anal sex can do considerable damage that can go unnoticed. Inflammation and tears and breaks literally open the door for a virus to enter the bloodstream. A prominent African American AIDS researcher couldn't be more blunt, as a growing number of news stories report an increase in oral sex among teenagers -- and as anal sex continues in a number of segments of the population:

"There's no getting around the fact that the vagina is the organ that was designed to be receptive of the penis, and it is not a surprise that when people participate in anal sex, there will be consequences that will be different, in some cases harmful, as compared to vaginal sex," said Dr. James Hildreth, who began July 1 as director of Meharry Medical College's new Center for Health Disparities Research in HIV.

"Many young people are mistakenly participating in oral or anal sex thinking that is a safer way to have intercourse.

"I do believe the media can be very instrumental in getting the word out about sexual practices that are putting them at greater risk, not less."

Hildreth addressed the Trotter Group of African American columnists this week at the Freedom Forum Diversity Institute in Nashville, and expanded on his remarks later in an interview.

A magna cum laude graduate in chemistry from Harvard, a Rhodes scholar and the holder of a doctorate in immunology, Hildreth, 48, spent 17 years as a professor at Johns Hopkins University. He was chief of the Division of Research at the National Center on Minority Health and Health Disparities for the National Institutes of Health, the primary federal agency for conducting and supporting medical research, until he took the position with Meharry.

His comments coincide with the reporting of several trends regarding HIV:

* Nearly seven in 10 women newly diagnosed in the United States are African American, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control.

* According to the Black AIDS Institute, "Black gay and bisexual men continue to sit at the epicenter of HIV in America: They represent half of infections among black men and more than half among gay and bisexual men."

* "Surveys conducted in seven U.S. cities among 5,600 young gay and bisexual men, ages 17-29, find that 10 percent are HIV positive. Infection rates for almost every other STD [sexually transmitted disease] tracked are also higher for gay men than for straight men or women," Stephen Fallon wrote today in the New York Blade.

In September, the Centers for Disease Control reported:

* "At ages 15-19, about 12 percent of males and 10 percent of females had had heterosexual oral sex but not vaginal intercourse."

* "Among adult males 25-44 years of age, 97 percent have had sexual contact with an opposite-sex partner in their lives; 97 percent have had vaginal intercourse, 90 percent have had oral sex with a female, and 40 percent, anal sex with a female."

* "Three percent of males 15-44 years of age have had oral or anal sex with another male in the last 12 months (1.8 million). Four percent of females had a sexual experience with another female in the last 12 months."

"If you live in Bergen County, N.J., congratulations," William Saletan wrote then in the online magazine Slate. "You get the only newspaper in the world that mentioned heterosexual anal sex, albeit briefly, in its write-up of the survey. Two other papers buried it in lines of statistics below their articles; the rest completely ignored it. Evidently anal sex is too icky to mention in print. But not too icky to have been tried by 35 percent of young women and 40 to 44 percent of young men -- or to have killed some of them."

Hildreth is not hatin' on non-vaginal sex, but he discussed the biological reasons why it is more risky (and he said the evidence is stronger on anal sex than oral sex). "The body has several naturally occurring defence mechanisms . . . Lactobacillus, for example, is a naturally occurring, 'good' bacteria that helps protect the vagina by maintaining its acidic environment," said a handout from an organization he supports, the Global Campaign for Microbicides.

"This natural acidity helps foster an inhospitable environment for many pathogens, including HIV."

Other orifices do not contain the vagina's "good" bacteria; moreover, "the anus and rectum are not designed for sex. Anal sex can do considerable damage that can go unnoticed. Inflammation and tears and breaks . . . literally open the door for a virus" to enter the bloodstream, Hildreth said.

(One of the reasons for the spread of HIV in Southern Africa is a practice by sex workers in South Africa of inserting "herbal aphrodisiacs, household detergents, and antiseptics into their vaginas before sex," removing the fluids, "to ensure they are 'hot, tight, and dry,'" as a 1998 article in the British medical journal the Lancet put it.)

Nevertheless, "if a condom is used appropriately and does not fail," the body should be protected from the HIV virus -- with emphasis on the "ifs," he said.

Not everyone subscribes to Hildreth's analysis, and the immunologist was careful say, in response to a question, that, "I'm not trying to make any philosophical or political or social comments about homosexuals. I'm just stating a medical fact."